It's hard to be upset or stay angry with someone who's both logical and handsome. A deadly combination if ever there was one. When my boyfriend of 3.5 years told me he needed time to think about us as he wasn't sure we would make it, my first reaction was despair followed by instant panic which finally whetted down to deep sadness. Especially since two weeks prior he told me that our wedding was not about an if it was about when. As the evening passed and I calmed down I realized a couple of things. One - we had survived a lot worse and he had chosen me and come back to me once before. Second - he was scared about the future but I wasn't. I've never been more sure of anyone or anything in my life as sure as I was about our love. A part of me really just wanted to beg him to give us another chance but something he said gave me hope. He asked me if I thought it would be better if we split now rather than 5 yrs down the line? That way he wouldn't have ruined my life by leaving and coming back to me a number of times. Agreed that had only happened once so far and I honestly didn't believe it would be a yearly recurrence. So the key was to let go without breaking away. Easier said than done but I figured if I could do this logically n not just emotionally then we both stood a chance. Excited by my rational behavior I decided on what I needed to do to win back his trust and his love. I had turned a major milestone - 3 yrs ago id have probably thrown a tantrum or given him grief and all with major hysterics, waterworks and drama. Now thanx to him I was working through this logically.
One of his concerns was that I couldn't make him laugh on demand. Considering I'm not a person who loves comedy that always seemed far fetched for me to do. Nonetheless it bothered me that I couldn't do this one thing for him. So the 1st part of winning him back while givin him time and space to think was to remind him of various days and instances in our relationship that would make him smile. Agreed that's a step down from what he expected but it was a start. I knew the things he enjoyed that made him laugh but he wanted me to remember instances in public not private that had us sharing a laugh together. I accepted this as a challenge. He would have to give me a pass or fail on a daily basis for my attempts. I hoped that I would succeed in one day making him laugh.
Part 2 was reminding him of all the happy moments and milestones we shared and not focusing on the negatives. I hoped that I would be able to convince him that the one negative incident that triggered this set of events would never be a cause for concern again.
Part 3 was proving to him that age really doesn't matter. That we would still be happy 10 yrs frm now and that he would not feel like his life was rushed. U c I'm 5 yrs older than him. He didn't really enjoy his teen years as he should have and now it feels like too much responsibility too soon. The thing is I get where he's coming from and I wanna reassure him that I won't rush things. True my bio clocks ticking away but I was willing to risk it all if he'd stand by me. I had to stay healthy n I could achieve motherhood at a later stage. Convincing him was another ball game all together.
Part 4 was convincing him that neither of us are or will become like our parents. We each had our share of a crazy parent. I vowed that I would never become like mine and the way to that was if we kept supporting and preventing each other from making the mistakes they made.
One of his concerns was that I couldn't make him laugh on demand. Considering I'm not a person who loves comedy that always seemed far fetched for me to do. Nonetheless it bothered me that I couldn't do this one thing for him. So the 1st part of winning him back while givin him time and space to think was to remind him of various days and instances in our relationship that would make him smile. Agreed that's a step down from what he expected but it was a start. I knew the things he enjoyed that made him laugh but he wanted me to remember instances in public not private that had us sharing a laugh together. I accepted this as a challenge. He would have to give me a pass or fail on a daily basis for my attempts. I hoped that I would succeed in one day making him laugh.
Part 2 was reminding him of all the happy moments and milestones we shared and not focusing on the negatives. I hoped that I would be able to convince him that the one negative incident that triggered this set of events would never be a cause for concern again.
Part 3 was proving to him that age really doesn't matter. That we would still be happy 10 yrs frm now and that he would not feel like his life was rushed. U c I'm 5 yrs older than him. He didn't really enjoy his teen years as he should have and now it feels like too much responsibility too soon. The thing is I get where he's coming from and I wanna reassure him that I won't rush things. True my bio clocks ticking away but I was willing to risk it all if he'd stand by me. I had to stay healthy n I could achieve motherhood at a later stage. Convincing him was another ball game all together.
Part 4 was convincing him that neither of us are or will become like our parents. We each had our share of a crazy parent. I vowed that I would never become like mine and the way to that was if we kept supporting and preventing each other from making the mistakes they made.
Part 5 and the most important part was convincing him to not give up or turn tail at the first sign of trouble. Agreed I had given him many reasons to in the past but he steadfastly stayed through it all. Now all of that had been undone with one mistake which didn't seem fair to me. I simply had to show why our relationship and love was worth fighting for. I believed that we were very different people and that was part of the attraction. Sure we had difference of opinions on a number of topics but that's what made life interesting. We had enough in common to weather any problem. I just had to show him the positives that I so clearly saw.
No comments:
Post a Comment