Of Clans & Tribes; Of Love & Hate

There are so many tales of old,
spun on lovers of every clan or tribe passed down as history to be forever re-told.
Back in the day most tribes n clans whether Indian or Scots,
were nary a friend to each other n for their luck they cast lots.
They hated with as much passion as they loved,
Aye, they ensured their hearts for emotion were never starved!
For many a year to this day, the young couldnt intermingle with the opposing enemies,
yet that never stopped them from falling in love and having families;
albeit, it cost them - that of distance from their loved ones as well as the tribe,
or as in todays terms cut off from the will with neither penny nor hide.
A love like that is a love to cherish
drown so deep it feels like u'll perish!
This message passed down to me and so shall I,
speak of my clan & all the stories will forever tell
To relive the history for the young and the old
of Clans & tribes and lovers behold.

N U Say

n u ask wat do I have to b insecure abt?

how do I make u c its d small things that make a big difference.

n u say I dnt understand ur friendships but do u really give me that chance?

n u think I dnt trust u!

how can u say that wen my very life is in ur hands?

how can I make u c its d small things that make my life worth living?

its not dat I dnt trust u, coz I do!

its not dat I dnt respect ur privacy, coz I do by givin u ur space.

its not dat I doubt all ur frendships, coz I dnt, I actually like most of ur frends.

Im just envious of ur relationship w others coz uve turned cold to me n i dnt understand how u can still say u care n yet not seem to share.

I miss d kindness u used to show me n ive bcome selfish n jealous n petty im sorry but its simply bcoz from u there ain't no more love n care.

Ive promised to wait but how do i make u c its breakin my heart yet ive set u free.

n i miss  frends we used to b coz u used to show me love back then

now it feels like ur emotions are all spent!

n u say u need time but u dnt how long!

through this punishment i smile n try to b strong.

n u say ur bein fair coz ur just trying to avoid making a mistake

n u say im not nor have ever been a mistake

ain't both statements contradictory?

coz if i wasn't a mistake then y do u need time to decide?

n u ask y am i so insecure?

tell me wat security do i have wen u find it difficult to even acknowledge me in ur life

n u say ur frends know - but then y cant u publicly say im ur girl?
n u say u just wanna b true to urself before commiting to me
oh but y cnt u c its d small things dat make a big difference.
I ain't gonna hold it against u ever if u say im ur girl
but if only u cud c how proud i am of u n how happy id b if u said i was urs.
Im tired of fighting, n pleading n seeming untrusting
Im so blue i dnt know wat to do
n wit everything u say u cut me open
I just keep bleeding but my heart still aches only for u
If only i cud make u c how much u mean to me.

oh y cnt u c how good we r, y is it so difficult for u to believe it so?

Im so crippled by this pain i cnt think i dnt know wat to do.
how do i make u c its d small things that will set u free
n i just pray that by the time u decide it wnt b too late for us
coz this is draining me completely n i wanna shut away the pieces of my broken heart

but still i wait;

for only ur love can heal these scars
for now im all alone n u r d one i love n i treasure ur love n dnt ever wanna lose it
n id go thru the fires of hell to prove it
n i believe in magic n i believe in r love n dat r dreamz will someday come true..

n that someday u will say u love me too..

Mirror Reflection

I look in the mirror I hate what I see
There's a shadow hanging over me
I don't like what I've become
I need to change the beat of my lifes drums
I look in the mirror I hate what I see
This is not the person I used to be
There's lot to be dealt with under the surface
Yet I act like my life is full of purpose
Darkness surrounds me, my behavior digusts me
There's a shadow hanging over me
I look in the mirror I hate what I see
Why is there damage to she that was so confident?
That even ghosts can rattle her bones is now so eminent
Where is the carefree soul that was so loving
Why, even she has deserted me
I look in the mirror I hate what I see
I see a different person staring back at me
An opportunity I have to love
Yet I seem to brood over my insecurities
These seem to overcrowd my thoughts
Leaving me feeling oh so alone & lost
I look in the mirror I hate what I see
There's a shadow hanging over me
There's a bridge I have to cross
But I wonder if my strength will last
I know the lining will be silver
so why then does my spine quiver?
I know where the road should lead
I worry whether my heart will stay happy or will it bleed?
Will I ever be the same again?
Or will this pain just never end?
Patience for my trials have I, but I am weary
It seems to much of an effort to remain cheery!
I can see the end of the rainbow
All I have to do is cross over.
Though it looks like quite a distance
It will be worth it for the happiness won't be just for an instance.
I look in the mirror I hate what I see
There's a shadow hanging over me
I look to the stars and I wonder is it just me?
Or do they hand out such cards to all for free?
But then again, maybe it just my destiny!
Who am I? What have I become?
I need to change the beats of my lifes drums
For this is not the person I want to be.
Work I will, till there's no shadow hanging over me
So when I look in the mirror I'll no longer hate what I see!!

Love Me

We both hope to meet someday at the altar
To proclaim our love and say I do
But neither know when and how
So I just wanna say these words to u
I know i'll get there before u do
But baby please know that I won't give up on u
I'll be waitin for u
Come when u are ready to
No matter how long that may be
And between now & then
Till I see u again
I'll be loving u
Waitin for u to love me

Shattered Dreams & Wounded Hearts

I made her a promise to stand by you
even though she warned me initally good times would be few
Now she's gone and I have no where to turn
All the while the pain in my torn heart seems to burn
Ur actions say u care but in ur words say u dont know anymore how to feel
every single word i hear is like a sliver of glass jabbing through my ordeal
I thought i was strong and no more would i go wrong
and then one day u came along
I thought i was through with being ripped open
for everyone i loved was always from me taken
I had promised myself never again would i open myself to this pain i felt
but only with a look u seemed to have the power to make this vow melt
I had barriers so high, scaling them would've detered another
but for u, without even tryin they simply ceased to exist altogether
A touch of joy, a ray of sunshine, a fountain of glory, all seemed too less
to describe what we had and felt together - a world without stress
Then like a dream i simply watched as i saw it shatter
as if it were only made of glass and not of matter
I tired to hold on but it seemed in vain
u had completely shut me out of ur grief and pain
I struggle with myself as i wonder what to do
but try as i might i seem to have absolutely no clue
I wanna stay but i dont wanna force u to have me
so im waitin for u to accept me of a will thats free
but its the interim that is more painful than death
i hurt so much i cant even take a breath
scared of losing all am I, i wanna cry
yet i know its only time before im dealt a hand that says hi or bye
so till then shall i wait or maybe even break
with a tiny hope all the broken pieces can be put back together in love's wake.

Simple VS Complicated

Why keep it simple when you can complicate it?
A friend and colleague coined this statement and made total sense of it..
Doesn't seem logical yet thats the blaring truth of being Indian..
hard to believe -- here are some facts..

• Foreigners seem to be not guests but criminals on parole..
•  register within 14 days of entering the country..
• obtain an FRO/FRRO which is a little booklet that is provided which the applicant then fills out manually themselves and resubmits for verification & stamping..
• inform nearest police station if they are leaving the city or going to another place in the country for more than 2 week
• not all criteria always mentioned on the website, theres always something that you find out on the spot
• The bus routes are all listed on the website, but they have now taken off the excel sheets with timing of each stop.. there is no way to plan your travel .. you have to go through a number of routes before you can decide which actually works for you.. after that then you have to do guess work with regards to timing the arrival/depature of the bus from the stop closest to you
• Try getting a new pan card - especially if you're a foreign national.. its never a simple or easy process till the absolute last step of them allocating a number then it takes just a day.
• Best one - getting a PIO card (person of indian origin - by birth or marriage) if applied for within India - 4 to 8 weeks to receive, US - 2 to 4 weeks, elsewhere like Columbia for example - 2 weeks

Now do you agree we Indians would rather complicate things than keep it simple :)

Another weekend with kiaan

more than 2 weeks and i was itchin to see him.. missed d lil tyke so much.. n apparently the feelin was mutual.. he asked for me so much ive been told that im now on niya masi's hitlist...
but he is just so adorable..
shefu n kiaan picked me up sat nite.. he was so cute n cuddly n came to me almost rite away..
was a usual sat evenin chillin catchin up.. narratin tales of d weddin.. exchangin funny stories from both our pasts..
then his beloved daddy got home after a trip doing shows...
we all stayed up late watchin re-runs of dharma n greg.. love that show.. she is hot n funny.. wat a combo..
sunday was a lazy one.. mid afternoon niya masi finally showed up (esp after the - im sure very annoying to her -- txt messages from that morning and the nite before -- implying how much fun she was missin out on) of course it didnt help when kiaan went 'cori aunty' while she was carryin him.. i swear that girl is gonna commit murder soon.. n ill be the victim...
went out for lunch (a very late one) to greens.. yummy pav bhaji but terrible filter coffee (or so i heard from the ones who had it -- it looked terrible from my point of view) then went car hunting (the actual purpose of the outing) and they finalized the Teana - a fab car.. we got to be judges from passenger view point - and totally gave it a 100% score.. but lil kiaan wouldnt accept the new car even after the deal was done.. he simply ignored the new car even though he woke up in it during the test drive.. walked straight to the current car and said 'kiaan gaadi' ..
then went for wat began as just coffee at the mall.. then i took a walk with kiaan n went to cookie man.. then shefu had to get some work done .. sheri left for mass.. so we ladies decided lets check out movies and ended booking tickets.. with one hr to kill shefs txtd hubby dear to get his a** right back after mass.. and we went to organize kiaan's dinner -- milk from spencer's.. in d meantime got him a kiddie cart so he was thrilled to bits.. and most well behaved in the bargain till of course the time we had to give up the cart..
njoyed the movie and then went home after another amazin weekend with ma lil hommie and two of my best frends!!

A vacation, a wedding, old buddies, new pals, lots of family and lots more fun

A trip that started with an edge.. bordering on fun.. a 3 hour journey of laughter and food and utter nonsense.. from clicking pictures of sleepin beauties (not literal for sure) :) to hoggin on candies yummy food items to discussin the 10 kg parcel - the weddin cake!!
arriving in almost good time to barely settle in before going partyin for the evenin - a house warmin to celebrate and 2 bachelor nites of freedom before the W-day (for the bride&groom of course).
an interesting evenin doesnt even begin to describe the events that followed - from dunking the bride in water to drowning the groom in beer (what a waste of alcohol - heard a number of people exclaim !!) to painting the head usher & brides maid with mud - all wet & sloppy (& then we styled them too - at least their hair so as to pose for the camera - not that any extra nudge was required really)
then on to erasing all of the lovely memories captured (accidently of course - u know what they say about drinking & clicking  ;) - all very true i assure u)
so of course we have to start afresh & there'z never enough of clowning around if u ask me!
to the jungle jim (even if its 1am, who cares) where we teach lil Brandon tricks that leave him panting - the poor thing) and whats a jungle jim without some fancy poses or at least some attempts of them.. next up parallel bars or in this case horizontally angled..boy did my arms hurt from trying after about 10 yrs at least...
back to bed on our first nite.. should have slept late but oh no.. the village boy (as termed fondly by some) gets a helluva lot more energy here than he does in the city and that is sayin a lot since he is mostly the last one to fall asleep after a party.. so he decides to sing for us early morning (well since we slept late 9 is pretty early) unfortunately it doesnt help that he is singing one song in a loop (one or two lines specifically) and that he is almost completely off-tune.. man i wish id captured the fear on his face while trying to wake ruh..
so up we go to his house for breakfast ... and then laze around some.. while others head to the chapel to decorate it...
meet some newcomers when we reach the dorm- a lil girl whose IQ astounds us..
back to the house for lunch around when we also explore the terrace and tonks and i decide we like the mangoes on the tree and after some pretty good rustling and grabbing and squeezing through the metal bars (me being the tiniest awarded myself the honor of being tonks buddy on this one) we managed to snag 3 decent sized raw green mangoes for snacking on later --- yum yum..
so post lunch and some more lazin we feast on mangoes tendered with vinegar, chilli powder and sugar and then haul ourselves to church to continue decorating...
almost done then head to camp with the best man and grooms cuz to get some groceries.. brilliant idea strikes and we decide tonight the last bachelor/spinster nite should be fun so lets spike pani puri and have vodka puri instead.. so thrilled with ourselves we purchase the requirements..
some of the others have gone to the pool - damn i missed out on that.. but then we return with the rain on our tail.. literally.. and a late evening game of basketball till the light fades .. (this was fun to watch esp when trace kept listening to the opposing team tell her to do all the wrong things -- which she actually did, lol)
then dinner at the bride's house again -- where we laughed and joked and waited to leave to have our own fun nite .. which we did by the new dam.. with sheets spread out on the bristly ground.. vodka puri wasnt so bad till we put in the accompaniments of the damn salty boondhi.. am so glad i had the common sense to make just a lil for trial.. finally it was 2 and the bride turned in and in half an hour the groom followed suit...
couple of us moi included decided we needed sleep more while the others stayed up till about 5.30am.. remember that coz woke up to find village boy sprawled across me (where he had fallen when trying to cross beds and fell through instead)
we had invited best man rhine to room with us so was scrunched between ruh n rhine's bed and clumsy that i am, would prob explain the large purple bruise on my thigh..
woke up bright and early again thanx to our dear village boy.. gave clothes for ironing.. breakfast then lunch followed after we had visited the hall and done our bit in setting up the table pieces and rearranging the table cloths and fancy bows on the chairs.. reminsced a bit (well trace, bloss & carly did) about the good ole school days & the backstage area that held more than memories for them...
post lunch after rummaging a bit we went through carly's old albums & love letters (boy those were a lot of fun - fi did the narrating while tonks n i laughed our head off)..
new arrival - riaan with stories of his journey
time to start getting dressed.. we were finally almost down to the hour.. so no time for getting hair done.. just let it curl.. about this time is when sav, zarah n farrel arrived with damu
made it just in time to squeeze past the bride before she entered the chapel with her father.. caught a glimpse of mark standing at the alter..
click. .. click and video.. pretty much all i did besides almost tearing up at the lovely rock theme and songs selected for the mass.. right from 'going to the chapel' for the entrance to the communion one of 'from this moment'..
most memorable moment - when bloss whispered 'he didnt say it' refering to the fact that the priest had skipped the statement of 'u may now kiss the bride' :) didnt stop mark from taking his due kiss ..
soon after mass rushed out to give bloss the bouquet she forgot and then rushed to the hall to put up the last minute table decor we re-used from the chapel..
off to change into my hot evenin outfit or as riaan put it 'my tarty dress' .. (didnt wear it to the church coz it exposed too much)
last minute rush to organize the cake and knife with a mad dash to the chapel to get decor for the knife -- finally gav U. Brian the signal to get the Bridal party.. who actually went with the idea that carly had and showed up wearin shades :)
from march past to the masala the evenin was fun and so was my dance partner.. thanx mister for lighting up my evenin - i didnt realize just how much i missed havin fun.. and thats what it was for me - pure n clean fun - njoyin the music (anglo style).. n literally dancin my blues away...
but then what's any occassion without its photo sessions (it was fun watchin bloss n mark pose) n its lil drama now n then.. all in all tho the evenin ended earlier tahn expected we managed to scoot the couple off soon enough for the first nite of wedded bliss..
the nite of course continued for us.. tho i did a disappearin act for half an hr n loved spendin time by meself on the swings.. then caught up with the others.. changed into comfy clothes and sat up for almost 3 hrs.. quietly snuck into carly's house to put back the food we taken out and feasted on..
so this nite we had more heads in our dorm.. riaan who was leavin at 6am with fifi and damu.. trace's boy toy (as termed by carly).. and rhine who slept over again.. drama king was his usual self and hunkered off in feigned anger..
woke up had breakfast and left with the bombay jet crowd who dropped rhine n moi to camp where we ricked it out to nashik.. reached the shrine in time for noon mass so attended.. met with some of the family there.. after mass ran an errand for mom which holds a funny memory for us.. went shopping for fifi's raisins and njoyed ourselves like lil kids while eating yummy malai kulfi.. came back to the dorm and rhine headed back to his for lunch with the family..
caught a quick nap post lunch then showered n left for the train station with goodbye stops on the way..
at the station decided to go by cab after all and rhine and i were elected to cart the centerpiece back..
after an almost hour delay the train came in and i was so glad of my cab decision..
then the rain started and with it my first hail storm in india.. an interestin evenin.. cabbie came finally.. started our journey back.. one black out at the first rest stop, dust storm at the second, a not so bad dinner and a break down later we finally got in to the city and headed straight to carly's where despite falling asleep sitting up.. i managed to shower and stay up a while longer.. everyone finally turned in around 2 but i stayed on the phone for almost an hour after.. and still woke up early the next day..
This by far has been the best Devlali trip ever.. how i love that place!